Aug
14
UBP – Unlock Bitter Points 哪壶不开提哪壶
We’ve satirized the “Second Look” through spoof and since then the term “Second Look” has been changed and replaced by UBP. Just recently we’ve decided to satirize UBP and would like to run a series of it. We’d expect that soon after the term UBP will likely to change and be replaced by something else. For better or for worse, UBP no longer stands for UnFranchise Business Presentation, at least in our satire, it doesn’t, it's new abbreviation reads Unlock Bitter Points (Chinese equivalent: 哪壶不开提哪壶).
哪壶不开提哪壶
刚做的没做的没想做的还有没挣钱的人谈论起美安来,难免是说着说着就说走了调儿,而且是哪壶不开提哪壶,很是让主持会议的上线们头痛。
例一:一会后会上,上线问一位刚被带来新人:“那谁,你给大家说说,说说你最喜欢的一点是什么?” 那人答道:
大刀阔斧的号子,
牵强附会的调子,
没完没了的唠子,
会里会外的套子。
上线忙喊停,散会后找他谈心,要他重读人民日报解放军报美安版,“谁是最可爱的人?”
例二:一场二对一后,一上线问一位听呆了的新人,你说说看,你最喜欢的一点是什么? 新人一时答不出,倒是一下线操着东北口音抢答了。
大哥呵,你听我说,
你要想凭你那小买卖挣出一辈子的钱来,那绝对是不成的, 对吧? 在一旁的上线放下粉笔点头称是。
你想那边守着您那生意,这边蔫不急了地鼓揪着美安,那也绝对不成! 上线一边坐下一边点头称是。
你再有本事,你想一杆子高尔夫球舀出去钻两坑儿,那绝对不成! 上线一边喝水一边点头称是。
你想外面彩旗飘飘家里红旗不倒,那绝对不成! ~ ~ 上线喷水喊停。
事后请他吃饭,小声地给他讲“海内存知己一定要,天涯若比邻无限好!”的道理,借新IBV为题,并且当晚就教他怎么列名单。
例三:2010 美安年会的会后会上,一上线问一位第一次来开会的新人,那谁,你也给我们大家也说说,说说第一次来开美安年会最受感动的一点是什么? 那人信口吟来一首变了味的“叶挺囚歌”:
为赚流入的门紧锁着,
为亏爆出的洞敞开着,
一个声音高叫着 --
“Get Paid To Shop!”
赶快买呀,给你经济自由!
我渴望自由,
可我深深地知道 --
经济自由岂能从“多买”的幌子里脱出!
上线听后脸铁青,咬牙片刻,打电话,争得组织的同意,叫来美国警察,将此人绑送台湾交国民党崩了。 国民党见了直挠头皮,心说:“娘希匹,搞什么鬼?”
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